


Look into my Eyes (It's Where my Demons Hide)

by Child_Of_Wonderland



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo (Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments) [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angry Magnus Bane, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Caring Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Magnus Bane's Cat Eyes, Supportive Alec Lightwood, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 17:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Child_Of_Wonderland/pseuds/Child_Of_Wonderland
Summary: Magnus knows that his cat eyes make him the demon he is and he tries to hide them all he can. When he gets angry in front of Alec's friends, he has to come to terms with his deepest insecurity.





	Look into my Eyes (It's Where my Demons Hide)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Insecurity
> 
> Title is from Demons by Imagine Dragons

Alec leans against his desk, his head leaning in his hand as he watches Jace, Clary, and Magnus argue over the best way to track the most recent lead they have on Valentine and the circle. There were warlocks dropping dead with circle marks carved into their necks so of course, Magnus is involved. They were his people, Magnus was in charge of the warlocks in New York, so Magnus would have been there regardless of his opinion on the shadowhunters. Izzy is sitting on the couch, ignoring the three of them arguing and pouring over a map of the city. The atmosphere of the room was tense and Alec could practically feel the anger pouring off of Magnus. 

“They are  _ my _ people!” Magnus practically shouts and magic sparks off his fingers as he glares at Jace and Clary, “I know them, I’ve known them for  _ centuries _ . Don’t you dare tell me I don’t know what’s best for them.” Jace and Clary open their mouth to argue again when Magnus turns away from them, turning to look at Alec. Magnus is practically seething and Alec understands exactly how he feels, if it had been shadowhunters, he would be feeling the same. Magnus was discussing warding off his loft in Brooklyn to keep all the warlocks safe while they find the murderer. Jace and Clary had immediately disagreed, wanting to keep the warlocks out on the street and use them as bait to track down the killer. They thought that was what was best for the community and were prepared to go about it even without Magnus’s input but Alec had demanded that they talk about it. 

“It’s our only chance Magnus!” Clary argues back and Jace agrees almost immediately but Magnus doesn’t even acknowledge them. He’s shaking with anger, his hands clenched in fists at his side and Alec can see Magnus’s glamour flickering angrily. 

“It’ll be the easiest chance we got.” Jace agrees and Magnus tenses, his glamour falling as he spins on his heel. His golden cat eyes are bright and angry, glaring at Clary and Jace with sparks of magic flying off his hands. He looks every bit of the warlock he truly was and Alec, even though it is completely inappropriate, thinks he looks hot. Alec is on his feet instantly after Magnus’s glamour had fallen, rushing to his boyfriend.

“Your glamour.” Alec tries to warn softly but Magnus doesn’t seem to register what he said, instead turning on the two of them with fire in his eyes. 

“It’s the easiest chance?” Magnus hisses, stalking towards the two shadowhunters, “I am not putting my people in danger so you can do it the easy way! Find a new way!” Jace and Clary both back away from his, looking slightly frightened. Alec pulls Magnus back, shielding the warlock from his siblings.

“Out.” Alec orders, “Take a break, everyone is angry, go.” Izzy is the first one to listen, standing and flouncing out of the room as soon as he finishes. Clary and Jace follow, throwing a look at Alec before closing the door behind them.

“Magnus, calm down.” Alec tries but Magnus is shaking with anger and the words go through one ear and out the other. Magnus grips the side of Alec’s desk tightly, his knuckles turning white as Alec wraps an arm around Magnus’s shoulders.

“Your glamour.” Alec warns again and Magnus tenses under Alec’s arm, looking up at Alec with a worried look instead of the previous anger. It seems to have all left the warlock so suddenly that it makes Alec feel dizzy. Magnus looks terrified, looking up at Alec and the shadowhunter pulls the other to his chest.

“Did they see?” Magnus asks and Alec nods his head, which causes the warlock to flinch against Alec’s chest. His breathing shudders a bit and Alec’s taking most of Magnus’s weight as the warlock’s knees go weak.

“Come on.” Alec encourages, pulling Magnus towards the couch and kneeling in front of his lover, “It’s okay.”

“No.” Magnus chokes out and Alec closes his eyes, “I didn’t want anyone to see them.” Magnus’s voice breaks and he turns his head away from Alec, hiding the broken look that is shining in his eyes. Alec rubs the pad of his thumb over Magnus’s cheek, catching the sudden tear that makes its way down his cheek.

“Magnus, you know that they aren’t going to judge you. And if they do, they’ll have to deal with me.” Alec tries to reassure and Magnus shrugs his shoulders, “That’s not what’s bothering you, is it?” Magnus shakes his head and shrugs again, turning to hide his face in Alec’s neck. The shadowhunter wraps his arms around Magnus’s back, holding him close. 

“Magnus, come on, talk to me.” Alec encourages quietly into Magnus’s ear but he keeps his arms around Magnus’s shoulders. The warlock wraps his arms around Alec’s upper chest, holding the shadowhunter as close to him as he possibly could.

“They were afraid of me.” Magnus whispers and Alec tightens his grip on Magnus’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to Magnus’s temple. Alec rubs his hand up and down Magnus’s back, leaning against Alec heavily. Magnus is looking over Alec’s shoulders now, looking at his hands as if they burn. His glamour is still down and Alec leans back, forcing Magnus to look at him instead of his hands.

“I doubt that.” Alec tries to reassure but Magnus shakes his head rapidly, looking down at his hands again. Magnus’s entire body is still shaking and his breath is rapid. Alec’s heart breaks at the scene in front of him. 

“I saw the fear. I’m a monster Alexander.” Magnus gasps out, “I never wanted them to see this side of me. I didn’t want to see you as this monster.” His chest is heaving as Alec runs a hand up and down Magnus’s back, trying to calm the boy. Magnus is shaking still but there’s a small sheen of sweat covering his forehead.

“They’re going to hate me. They’re going to hate me.” Magnus repeats and he pushes into his chest, trying to get rid of the pain. Alec shakes his head, running a hand through his hair as he whispers into Magnus’s ear.

“No they won’t. I promise they won’t. You’re not a monster Magnus.” Alec tries to reassure but Magnus is still shaking his head violently as he gasps for air, “You’re not.” Alec’s insistence doesn’t seem to be getting through to the warlock. Magnus’s eyes are shiny and there are streaks down his cheeks as tears start to fall.

“I’m a monster. I’m a monster.” Magnus chokes out, his voice breaking and Alec tries to get him to look at him. When Magnus turns his glowing cat eyes onto Alec, the shadowhunter can see that he’s not even paying attention to his surroundings. His eyes are unseeing and look far off which worries Alec.

“You’re not. You’re not.” Alec repeats over and over again before trying another tactic to get Magnus’s attention, “Magnus listen to me, let me see your hand.” Alec gently takes Magnus’s well-manicured hand and puts it onto the fluffy pillow that is sitting on the couch. He takes the other hand and places it over his chest, letting him feel his heartbeat. 

“Try to breath okay? Come on, breathe in, one, two, three, four. Hold it.” Alec orders softly and Magnus does, causing Alec to smile encouragingly, “Okay let it out. One, two, three, four, five, six. Good, again.” Magnus follows Alec’s soft directions until his eyes start to clear, leaning heavily against Alec’s chest.

“Magnus, can you tell me something you see?” Alec questions and Magnus glances around frantically, his eyes flickering over everything in the room. His hand is squeezing the fluffy pillow as he looks around.

“Picture frame.” Magnus chokes out and he points a shaky finger over towards the fireplace, where there is a picture of Magnus and Alec standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, “Umm...pillows, flowers.”

“Yeah, good job. Hi Magnus.” Alec ducks his head so he’s in Magnus’s view but the warlock turns his head away, blinking rapidly as he tries to focus.

“Alexander?” Magnus’s voice shakes and Alec nods eagerly, cupping Magnus’s cheek to make the warlock meet his eyes. This time, Magnus keeps his eyes on Alec’s face, searching it for every detail he can find.

“I’m here.” Alec promises and hesitantly wraps an arm around Magnus’s shoulders again, “Is this okay?” Magnus nods, leaning heavily against Alec’s shoulder and curling up slightly. Alec looks down at him, smiling a bit as Magnus curls up much like a cat would.

“You’re beautiful.” Alec whispers and Magnus tenses slightly against his shoulder. Magnus shakes his head and hides in Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m an abomination. I know my eyes are ugly, they’re demonic, I know.” Magnus argues and Alec’s heart breaks at the words. Alec tilts Magnus’s head from it’s hiding spot and he pulls Magnus in for a sweet, loving kiss. When they pull back, Magnus is blinking up at Alec with his unglamoured eyes. Alec knows his heart is racing just a bit at how amazing Magnus looks without any glamour and smiles lovingly at the warlock.

“Magnus, there is nothing ugly about your eyes. Or you in general.” Alec swears and when Magnus starts to shake his head again, Alec stops him, “No, Magnus. You’re beautiful. Every single part of you is beautiful.” Alec gives Magnus another loving kiss before pulling Magnus to his chest again. Magnus is still curled up and he buries his head in Alec’s chest, listening to the shadowhunter’s heartbeat as he tries to take a deep breath. 

“I love you Magnus.” Alec promises and hugs Magnus closer again. Magnus pulls back and gives Alec a watery smile. 

“I love you too Alexander.” Magnus replies and feels his heart stop when Alec beams at him happily. Alec kisses him again before squeezing the warlock closer.

“I’ll make sure Jace and them drop their idea, don’t worry. You get the final say in what we do, they’re your people. You know them best.” Alec eases and Magnus relaxes even further, his tense shoulders drooping as far down as they can. Alec runs his hands over Magnus’s shoulders and back, trying to relax the warlock as much as possible. 

“Do you want to talk to the rest of them?” Alec offers and Magnus seems to think about it for a moment before nodding his head hesitantly, “Hey, I promise you they won’t hate you or judge you. I swear.” Magnus glances down at his hands again, looking at them in fear before nodding again. He snaps his fingers, reapplying and cleaning up his makeup. He closes his eyes briefly and when he opens his eyes again, his eyes are the glamoured brown. Alec tries not to let the disappointment show when Magnus glamoured his eyes and stands up, heading over towards the door. Magnus sits himself up properly, silently building up the walls and putting on a neutral face. Alec pokes his head out, speaking softly to the three shadowhunters outside. Magnus can’t hear what was said but he knows it was probably a warning or threat about mentioning anything about his eyes. When Alec steps back, he looks over at Magnus for a final confirmation. Magnus nods his head and Alec opens the door, allowing Jace, Clary, and Izzy to enter the room. Izzy is practically diving at him in an instant, hugging Magnus tightly.

“Magnus, I’m sorry.” Izzy whispers and Magnus looks at her confusedly, “Jace and Clary shouldn’t have treated you that way, you’re the best one to know what the warlocks want. Thank you for helping us.” Magnus nods slowly, hugging Izzy back before she settles herself next to him. Jace looks a bit uncomfortable and Magnus almost laughs at the expression on Jace’s face, Magnus really wasn’t sure if he had ever apologized to anyone outside his family before.

“Sorry Magnus.” Jace coughs out but sends Magnus a small smirk, “I should have tried to consider your side.” Magnus nods his head and he gives Jace a small smile, which causes Jace to relax somewhat. Clary is the last one, standing awkwardly by Jace. She’s bouncing on her heels and looks somewhat guilty but what hurts Magnus the most, is the slight undertone of fear under her eyes. Magnus wasn’t sure if it was because of his eyes or if it was because they had never seen him that angry before.

“I’m really sorry Magnus, I shouldn’t have tried to use you or your friends as bait. It wasn’t right. I hope you can forgive me.” Clary apologizes sincerely and Magnus nods his head, looking at the three of them. He’s searching for any sign of fear in them and even the previous look from Clary had faded away. Alec’s standing beside him, a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s okay. But the warlocks are under my say, we aren’t using them.” Magnus reinforces his previous statement, which causes the three shadowhunters to nod their heads immediately and Magnus smiles a bit, “Then let’s get to work, Valentine still needs to be found and I’m not going to let him get away this time.” Izzy jumps in instantly, pointing out the places where warlocks lived, worked, and were killed. The five of them pour over the maps together, trying to find a new way to find a way to capture the people behind this. Alec keeps a hand on Magnus’s thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze every now and then. They share a small, secret smile and return to the map. 


End file.
